great memorial day

Well we worked on a few projects yesterday, I started by getting the lawn mowed before it was to rain last night, got all of that done.  While I was doing that Dave, Steve and MDK cleaned out the gutters.  Our huge maple tree gives off many many helicopters.  The deed to our property goes back to 1864 and talks about this property before the house was here.  It talks about twin tree, those being the huge stump in the front yard and the huge maple behind the house.  It is an interesting piece of history as it has a hand sketch of the early streets in Clarksdale and the orginial clan of the Clarks and where they lived in this town.  In fact one of the Clarks lived in this house at one time.  Anyway we finished those two projects and then went to town, Steve gave me some money for my bday and I bought cherry trees with it.  They were fifty percent off, but one of them i got at seventy five percents off making it about 6 dollars, due to the fact that it has a fifty fifty chance of living, it has no leaves whatsoever, however their is still plasticity in the branches, so it is possible it might come back around, we planted it with good soil around it routes then watered the hole with mircle gro water and then watered it again after it was in the ground.  Will give it some tlc and see if we can get it to grow.  The plum tree I planted looked dead for about two weeks and now it looks awesome.  My garden on the railroad bed is going gang busters.  It loves that soil, my other garden is doing okay but it is two weeks behind the other one so it isnt up as far, need to replant a few things but all in all pretty good.

I have two jobs this week, not alot which can be worriesome but okay, this is the nature of my job, it is a feast or famine job but am doing projects around the house and am enjoying the down time.  I have to finish off portfolios for the girls school year.  Get my plan ready for just MDK this fall.  I need to print out my invoices and get that in order sometime.  I started crocheting a afghan for my sister, and I am needing to weed and straw the garden, but cant do that till it is a little less muddy.  I have four goosberry bushes so plan to pick them end of the week or beginning of the next.  I have to get MLK quilt to the quilters, do hours with MLK behind the wheel, and have a few sewing projects I would like to do.  I am also going to paint the garage door.  Got the algae junk off the siding on the house yesterday, a little bit of dish soap and bleach and it looks so much better.  Big garage sales this weekend, so looking forward to that and Denise is coming with us.  Well better go for now!

one year here

Well we have been here for a year and I sure do enjoy the place, it is country living with a tad bit of town, really it doesnt seem like we have neighbors here at all.  I also love our spot across the road it keeps me grounded, and all the gardening, and everything on one level.  That helps so much!!!  I enjoy not going up and down stairs to do laundry. 

Trying to walk now that my body is back in the right place, had the doc do an adjustment on me.  It was a pleasant morning.  Yesterday we made ice cream it was so good and we have a little left over.  We had a nice and relaxing day and I felt like I was finally get over the hump of being sick.  Well today is a long list of projects so better get started.

happy bday to me

Well today is my 41st birthday and I am still trying to get over the crude, I think the worst of it is past.  I have been a monument to getting nothing done.  However we did venture out for a half day yesterday, the girls found some nice bargins at garage sales.  Also got some plants at Lowes at half price.

Today we are having a campfire and some friends over. Hope to get a nap in today it seems to be the only thing that keeps the yuck away.

birthday fun

Today the family and I went to Panera for my bday and I the cheapskate made everyone drink water.  You can save almost 10 dollars by drinking water.  We went garage selling everyone but me did well at the garage sale.  Then we went to Lowes I wanted to get a few more strawberries with some birthday money, I hit the jackpot, all fruit was on sale.  I needed to get another blueberry bush so they can pollinate and I got two and I got strawberries in a hanging basket (each had four plants) and they were four dollars so I divided them up into their individual plants so each plant cost me a dollar.  The blueberries plants were 15 dollars total, so that was very exiciting!!!

My garden is doing well but I cant get into it much because it is so wet.  The lost dog we had was reunited with his owner, but it gave everyone the I wants, however that was quickly squalished when we did the dog and cat shots at the clarksdale dog clinic.  We do the liscence and the shots, it was a good price but there are three animals to give them to.  The cat tibby was nuetered and had shots so he was the only one spared. 

Missy applied at the library will be waiting to hear back from this in the next few weeks.  Well I am thinking I am going down for my nap, since I have been sick the last few days, just the running around this morning wore me out slick.

we found a dog

Another beagle came for a visit, we think he slipped his collar, he is a male about six months old and looks alot like Louie.  The girls have made posters they are putting up in town to see if anyone claims him. He looks full blood beagle so we think he has owners.  Louie seems to like him if the dog submits to his alpha status.  The girls would love to keep him, but we are pretty sure as well taken care of as he is that he belongs to someone. 

I have a sinus infection from all my allergies and feel pretty worn down.  I am hoping to have the girls help me put down some straw in the garden beds today.  I would also like to put up a clothes line this weekend we will wait and see on that front.  Also want to get the fence post out. 

We turned off Netflix for the summer so we will do more than watch TV.  Well better go for now.

twister of activity

just a play on words there.  So many tornadoes being spawned all over the state of Missouri.  The one that hit Joplin was a multi-vortex F5 which is called the finger of God.  Just got back from the doctor, she did an adjustment on me, since I have a wierd gait it makes my back and legs get all whacked out, usually twice to three times a year I need it done. 

Today and tommorow we are sorting, cleaning, throwing and such.  This morning I straightened and cleaned out my greenhouse.  Weeded the raised beds but felt that if I went in the garden I might sink to China.  However my garden looks awesome!!!  Today we are conquering my closet where we just throw stuff in.  Went through my craft corner in my bedroom.  Anyway no jobs so stuff around the house will be getting done.  So hopefully it doesnt look like a twister hit the house.

Well off to cleaning again.

a day off

Well yesterday was a day off for me, got a job this morning for the last half day at a school that will be a bit crazy, oh well a job is a job.  So yesterday was spent with MLK, she got her Debit Card and checks, so we sat down and did the basics on how to do all that, she also now has a date calender.  I dropped her off at her appt. in downtown Saint Joe to see about some finicial help for her college and then we went to the library and picked up stuff  and took off for the home.  I got laundry and all the outside stuff done yesterday.  Dave got spark plugs and wire changed in little blue because it was running rough, it seems to have fixed the problem.

Today I had planned to let MDK drive herself to her yearbook thing, but with strong storms I think I will be doing it.  After Joplin, I think I will be driving.  Beside I have a few more errands to do so I can get that done while she is there. 

My garden is looking great, minus a few weeds, which I was hoping to get to today but not looking good, however they will be gone by the end of the week.  Plan to get a few strawberries plant more, even though they are starting to put out runners, need one more blueberry plant also so they can cross pollinate.  My pear tree lost all its leaves from the transplanting, but found buds on it yesterday so there is still hope.  My grapes are slowly growing and trying to train them on the fence.  All my other plants are up and going.  Will wait and see how they all do but they look healthy right now.  Alot of hail today could really hurt them however.  We will wait and see.

So I had better get around. Bye

a good weekend

The girls (m and k) got home safe and sound and seemed to have a blast!  They did alot in the short time they were there and will have memories to last a life time.  Hey I just found out my roomate from college will be coming up to visit me this summer, just me and her, that will be a blast!  She is planning on taking the train also because it is cheaper than driving.  The trains may become alot busier until gas prices go down.

Dave and I had a nice time in Iowa and was able to visit Gma H., she is holding her own but her age and health is finally catching up with her, she turns 80 soon. The most worriesome thing about the trip was the tornadoes around home with the girls at home, but they did just fine.  I suspect I worry too much.  Our visit with Viv and my folks was relaxed and nice.  It was a beautiful day and we sat outside and talked, there was a nice breeze and no bugs!

I currently have no jobs this week, MLK has two appt., one for funding possiblities for college and the other is signing up for her college summer class.  So that will be the extent of my running around hopefully.  My van gas mileage is not great so will need to get sparks and wire changed and possibly the o2 sensor.  Also a brake pad is starting to rub, ugh!

Since my terping jobs are slowing down I am going to try to up my photography, one for my own enjoyment and also to work towards the end of doing my own business.  We will wait and see, how it goes.

Joplin got hit yesterday, 89 dead so far, praying for all. Well gotta go mow.

my personal struggle with depression

Well i have decided to use my blog to post alot more than just my daily going on, I am very faithful to print these every year in print form in hopes that my children and grandchildren will read them.  Many diaries have a tendency to show up in historical accounts, not that I am a history maker but they always fasicinated me and was part of why I started blogging.

Well the subject of Depression.  I have been diagnoised since the age of 21 with SAD, I personally think my struggle started my freshmen year of high school and went undiagnoised for a while.  SAD is seasonal affective disorder, which means my body does not produce enough seratonin and dopimine, and that mine is more strongly affected by the seasons.  I function very well when I am on my medicines and I have been on them for a long time.  However I can and do remember those times when I wasnt on it and so dont like going back there.  I quess the best way to describe it is a fog a little black cloud that hangs over everything and follows you around.  Now many people would say just snap out of it but they are way off the mark.  I can no more quit my meds and "get over it" than a diabetic can quit his insuln and get over it.  Me not on my meds is not a good thing.

The biggest struggle I had was realizing I need to stay on meds, admitting to myself I had an issue that I would need to take care of the rest of my life.  So my twenties were spent on and off meds thinking I was better and I was for a short time and then I would crash and it would not be pretty.  Finally around 28 or so I got it together and have done pretty well since then.  I have had a little bit of a curve ball with being menopausual which has made me have to change meds and had a few off days, but overall I have done well now for over 12-15 years. 

I remember when I was off my meds, the racing or irrational thoughts  such as if I open the car door while we are driving, I wouldnt have to feel this way, was I sucidal, no I dont think so but I wasnt right either.  The panic attacks were the worst, just the must crawl out of my skin right this moment, or felt like a heart attack, asthma attack moments.  The all I want to do is sleep, must only do what I have to to survive and then go to bed.  The inability to read was one of the more scary, or the day I couldnt interpret, that was fun too.  I remember those days and dont want to relive it.

How did I get this, well all this is gentically inherited, even if family members dont want to talk about it, or deny their own struggles.  Both grandpas, had difficulties at time, and one even had electro shock sessions back in the day.  I have had other family members that have had trouble with different types of depression related problems. My daughter is bi-polar.  I wish people would feel more free to talk about depression, it would be helpful to others so they dont think they are going silently insane.

So how am I doing at the present, not bad, I am still working on adjusting to meds and working the kinks out with what menopause has done with it, but overall I do well.  My doctor gives me great marks on managing my disorder, she wish she had other patients that can be responsible and on top of and honest about their issues. 

Well that is all for now.

the girls

Well MLK got safely to Saint Louis and I got the we are here and that is all I got the hear and suspect that will be about the longest conversation I will get.  Sounds however that they are geared up to have fun today.  When she gets home she will register for a summer class and that will consume alot of June, also she is searching for a job, it looks like they hired already for Casey, it looks like an older woman.  That is the trouble right now with jobs, too many older people taking jobs teens usually have.  We are waiting to call College of the Ozarks next week to see where she is on the waiting list.  She really wants to go there but we will see.  She has been extremely contemplative since graduation, for MLK that usually means she is about ready to make big changes.  Her Dad is that way, he goes into what I call his "cave" and there he is for a while and then he makes a big decision and then there is a complete change overnight.  It will be interesting to see what is going to go on.  MLK has always marched to her own drummer.

MDK and I went to talk to Micah our pastor yesterday as she still is feel a call towards orphan work and so he gave some really practical step to get started now.  I ordered one of the two books that she should read and then he gave her all sorts of ministry oppurtunities to get started on right here.  She is going to start helping with children's ministry at the Hispanic church on Sunday afternoon and then she will be possible help out at the Pregnancy Resource Center also. She is also going to check into the MO Baptist Childrens Home to see if there is something that she can do for them for a week or two to be involved with orphan care here at home.  She is very exicitied also.  She and Micah talked long and hard about college and he said you really got to do it.  So she is planning to get a little more dedicated to her studies.  She has done her studies with much complaining and drudgery this year, but now I think she may see why.

Today I have a short job in Saint Joe and then clean the house is what I hope to get done.  Well better go.

just another day

Well today I have an all day job at a school and then I am off tommorow.  MLK takes off to go to St. Louis tommorow morning with her friend. They will have fun I suspect!  MDK goes in today and drives in St. Joe (prayers please) to work on yearbook. 

Dave has had two rough days of fatique, he bragged how well he was doing to the doctor on Friday and then wham it hit him hard.  He went to bed at 730 last night.  Hope it gets better soon.

Yesterday I weeded in my gardens, I have peas, carrots, turnips, kolarbia, onions, zuchini,corn, potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers and such up and growing well.  I need to replant one strawberry plant that died in the frost and maybe get a few more also need to get a blueberry plant. 

Well better get around for work, more later.

just some random thoughts on kids

I was just checking out a former aquaintances daughter's facebook page, ewww gads!  This girl and her sister have their mom plowed, they get to do and have whatever they feel is right.  Raising teens are hard, and I dont do it all right, but letting a kid constantly get their way and tried to friend them all the time, so doesnt work.  I enjoy a friendly relationship with my girls, but if it comes down to it I can be quite unpopular for thier good.  I think it is selfish of parents to not parent, in hopes of being popular with their kids and their friends.  This is such a sad state of affairs that I have seen repeated over and over again when we were working with the youth group.  Grow a pair and be their parent.  Kids want to be heard and understand but they really dont want you to be their "pal", they need you to parent.  I just can go on and on about this subject.  It is like they give their kids the keys to the car they get for free and then they just let them go.  I believe in letting a kid go when it is time, but you let them go when they also need to be responsible for things.  If you are responsible for a stuff you have far less time to make stupid and costly decisions for yourself. 

MLK final grade was posted for English 108, she was so exicitied she got an A.  Yeah for her, she worked hard for it and was afraid she might get a B but she got her first college A.  Good for her!  Well have two days of full interpreting so need to get some sleep. Bye for now.

lazy weekend

Well we had this awesome plans to get stuff done around the ranch, but rain it did and work we did not.  So we will wait and see when our weekend projects will happen.  Next weekend we will be in Iowa as Dave is preaching that weekend.  Then memorial weekend I think we are just hanging around the home.  I have three or four jobs next week and then it dries up. 

MLK takes off on her trip this Wed. and will be back on Sat.  Today at church they are honoring the graduates, Dave did great this week untill yesterday and then he felt really off.  Well better get the family up and start getting around for church.

waking up anxious

The last few days I have been waking up with extreme anxiety, that crawl out of your skin feeling.  I have not had issues with it for a while really a long while so unsure what is triggering it.  I really dont want to have to adjust my meds, if it doesnt get better in a week or two I will go see the doctor. 

MDK finally finished her school work on Thursday, yesterday we had a total bum off, laid around in pjs and watch hours of tv.  It was so nice!!!! We do this rarely to this extreme, but it was a nice check out time for all of us.

I have a retake photo to do this morning and then we have two graduation parties to do.  We have a graduation to attend tommorow and we need to get Dave a new pair of work shoes.  I have a big week of interpreting this coming week and then it dies off.  So we will see what I do to generate some extra income, well better go for now.

a rant about our electric bill

Our electric bill is outrageous high, it has been higher than my van payment, which I think is crazy, so this summer we will not be doing ac, or that is my thought, we will wait and see.  They just annouced they are raising it 20 percent next month, yipee, well I am thinking we have some old appliances that will need to be replaced, such as the old deepfreeze but this too takes time and money.  Ugh, my jobs are going to go through a slump this summer so extreme penny pinching for us.

MLK is using some of her money to pay for a trip to St. Louis with K. her friend they will leave the 18th and get back on the 21st.  Today I have a job at the school so better get in the shower and get around. 

a few days spent with my girls

Yesterday MLK and I went out on the town, just doing errands after she finished her final, but it is nice at times just to get the one on one, now it was an unbearably hot day but it was nice to just do errands together, we had two or three stores, and the library, and then Goodwill and DAV.  We were looking for shorts, as MDK wouldnt hardly wear shorts last year but wants some this year and MLK needed all new smaller sizes, we found a good start, now we need to thin out all the winter clothes.  Monday night, MDK went to a pedicure party and had ice cream after so that was a good time one on one with her.  Dave and I have not had alot of one on one time so hopefully maybe this weekend we will get a chance, I work the next three days for 7 hours, which will be good money. 

I need to get out in my garden and re plant some stuff, my onions and potatoes are coming up well, excitied about that.  Everything needs some rain, two days of hot has baked it a little.  Hopefully it will clear off tonight so I can mow.  I think my favorite two chores are dishes and mowing.  Both calm me when I do them, kinda wierd, most hated ironing and dusting!!!  I avoid both like the plaque. 

Well best get around and get to work. 

a sense of peace

Today I woke up with a cool breeze and fans in our bedroom just as the sun was rising, I let the dog out and just sat and listened to the early morning birds. I could smell the lilacs that I had picked in a vase on the kitchen table.  It was a moment of pure serinity,  it was like when you were a kid and didnt have a care in the world and there was this goregous summer day with nothing to do.  Now to be truthful that only lasted for a moment as thoughts of bills, jobs and worries came at you.  However for that short minute or two you have that brief moment of pure serenity.  Sometimes you just need to live in that moment.

MLK and I had a full day yesterday and will again today.  She finished off her thank you notes, opened a checking account, practiced driving, and applied to Caseys in Maysville.  MDK and I went to a Mary Kay pedicure party and had a blast, it was so relaxing after a very long weekend, even though it was a great weekend.  I now have cute toes!  Well better get some work done before I take missy to her final exam.

graduation is over

Well she did it. MLK is offically graduated, wow it doesnt seem possible but it is true.  All she has left is a final in English 108 tommorow.  It was such a nice cermony and I only cried a little bit.  Sometimes all you can see at those moments are the little baby that started walking and the moment when they started to read and you know what I mean.  She has done such a fantastic job and she will do fine in her fall classes. 

Today I have an interpreting job and then off till Wed.  I am suppose to be covering for a new mom, but she has not gone into labour yet so I will not be filling in till she delivers or just cant work.  The house is realtively clean for all we did this weekend, I think I have some laundry to catch up on.  Mother's Day I took things really easy and got a nap in so that was really nice. MDK has two subjects to finish this week and she is done with her school for this year. It will be wierd just to have one kid to take care of with schooling, maybe it will be easier.  The next two years for MDK will be a writing fest as this is the last skill she has difficulty with.  She is not a bad writer but not a good one either. I started her freshman year to zone in on her writing since I was confident in her reading skills, but her spelling was so bad, so we spent two years focused on that.  We have done writing all the way through but now we will zone in on this.  Next year she will be doing Algebra 2, American Lit, Civics, Bible, Spanish (at MO West i hope), a Science course and one other elective.  Then her senior year we are hoping to allow her a 4-8 week stay in Guatemela to really see if that is what she wants to do with her life.  We are going to go talk to some of our leader at our church and see what we can do now to prep her for that and what type of post secondary training she should get.

MLK is hoping to take a train trip to Saint Louis with her friend K.  I talked to K parents to see what they thought.  We will wait and see. well I better get off here.

thoughts on a daughter graduating

Well MLK graduates today, so I will post and muse about this subject.  I remember the first day MLK went to school, it was with Mrs. Van Bueren she thought that she was the best and asked to dye her hair red like her teacher and Aierel off Little Mermaid.  Then we moved to Maysville, she did well with this transition and enjoyed her third grade teacher, Mrs. Rapp most of all, she was rather an old fashioned teacher and challenged MLK which was good for her.  Fourth and fifth grade was rather rough for MLK due to the fact the queen bee of the class Paige, decided to exclude her, many times a week, she would cry, and so would I about this and she would ask why dont they like me, and I told her I didnt know why, but that we still need to try to love people for Christ's sake, that was hard, as I really wanted to beat the little girl up.  Then in sixth grade we started homeschooling, Dad was the mainstay that first year, and it really gave them alot of time together to enjoy each other.  MLK and MDK really enjoyed Dad reading Ben and me to them a story about all the great accomplisments the mouse that lived in Ben Franklins hat accomplished, really cute book. I was able to work with MLK style of learning and challenge her in areas she excelled in at a higher level.  Math has always been a bear, she still hates it and many tears and fights came of it, but we got through it.  Seeing her this last year as she pretty much did her schoolwork with some guidance, and took two college classes and did well, just amazes me that she has arrived.  She has the wings to go after her own thing and will do just fine.  I will miss the times together when we both learned something new together that was way cool.  Sitting around in our pjs watching a historical documentary, going to the lake to take pictures and explore for scat and wildflowers for science, taking trips to plays and musuems and such.  She has accomplished so much and has so much more she will do.  I am so proud of her.

hot dogs, display boards, haircuts, mowing, and little house on the prarie dreams

Okay I am a tad sporaditic, yesterday I was going a little off my rocker, got all the rest of the shopping done for the wienie roast and the pictures Missy needed for her board. Then found out it was going to rain today so I and Denise and girls did outside work, got it done. Had to drop off the programs at Office Depot because the church that was going to make copies fell through so, today I have to pick them up.  Hope people arent upset with the cost of doing the programs more than we wanted to spend but there are fourteen graduates and we were suppose to have short bio.  Wow some of the bio were wayyy tooo long.  You could tell if Mom or the kid wrote the bio.  MLK wrote her own, it is good.  The one the Mom wrote go on and on and on.  Anyway if they all dont like too bad so sad they should have voulenteered instead.

Today MLK is getting a haircut, MDK is going to visit a friend and then cake decorating time, that will consume most of Friday and all the last minute details, plan to clean out the garage today. 

Last night I dreamed off and on all night about Little House on the prarie, it was the wierdest thing as I must have been Mary in my dreams, cause I was sleeping in the loft with Laura, and then I was dressed in the dress and bonnet playing in a field.  It was a cool dream very relaxing.  The strangest thing is I havent read the book in years and havent watch the show in about two years.  Must be where my brain goes to relax.

Well better get going on one more crazy day.

spic and span and errands

Well yesterday was put together the program for the graduation and then I took some photos of MLK in cap and gown and got a little teary eyed, wow what a thing.  Worked on her senior portfolio thing, and cleaned cleaned cleaned, and laundry laundry laundry.  We are doing the topnotch stuff on the house, going through and dusting even (i hate to dust as much as I hate to iron).  We finished the den, the mudroom, the girls bedrooms, the top of the fridge, both bathrooms.  Today, my bedroom, the kitchen and living room.  The house never gets too bad anyway, then Thursday we do the lawn and the garage. Denise is helping us on Thursday, I have been lucky not to have jobs this week, I have a slew of them in the next two weeks. 

Well today, I have to get the rest of the food, get the program copied and then back home to work dillgently on everything.  Well better get off here and start on the list.

the garden is in and so is the bridge

Well we got all sorts of stuff done over the weekend and we are almost done now just the house to go and the last minute stuff for graduation.  I am looking forward to graduation but I am also going to be glad not to have to prepare.  Dave got the bridge in place sorta, not exactly where we want but it will work.  The garden is completly planted and still wanted some more space to plant more, but alas one can only do so much.  Well better get around and go do my jobs.

project weekend

Wow half done with project weekend, what a job!!  We finished repairing the bridge across the way, finished tilling the garden for the second time, and weed eated all the ditches across the way.  We also constructed a huge bridge for this side.  It will be 16 feet across. It is four planks across and it has three planks underneath for the weak spot where they meet.  It overlaps both boards by 4 feet on either side and then planks across the widths on both ends by the under planks and the ends.  Now how to get it into place, as we realized last night, it is a tad to heavy to carry, so hoping to drag with the pickup into place.  It will be interesting, but will provide easy access to the other side and the garden.  We also mulched around the fruit tree, put up the martin house.  Today we will plant, plant and plant some more, hopefully clean out the garage and maybe start on the inside.  Plan to make bucket spots for both gardens. Then in a few weeks we will be pulling out the fence behind our garage.  It will be interesting to say the least my big hope is being able to move after all of this.