firework tent

Well just one more week of the fireworks tent, then that is behind us, yeah!! I have scheduled everyone which makes me feel like an intrusive hardnosed stinker. Most people are really really good about it, but a few want the benefits of what happens without helping. That is extremely frustrating.

The girls had a great time at camp still a little tired from it all, a little grumpy but not too bad, they both came back tan as berries. Well better go and do chores before it is my time to be at the tent.

slept really hard

I slept really really hard last night. I am sore all over like achy and am wondering if I am coming down with something. Just feel off physically, hopefully it will pass. Finishing up the kitchen today. Have to go and meet with another interpreter at noon to work on a class together. Then I will swing by the library will be doing the fireworks tent tonight. Plan to take a book with me.

So far so good, MLK has not called and must be doing okay, was really worried she would have a panic attack and end up coming home, so I will just keep on praying.

Still not in the mood to clean but been forcing myself to do it. It so needs to be done but seems so overwhelming. Well better get off and do my duty

but I just dont want to !!!!

Well I am sitting here just not getting up and doing the kitchen, I cleaned all day yesterday and now I am cleaning again and my heart is not into it. I am maybe half way through the kitchen and I just dont want to. I want to sit down and read a magazine, play on the internet (which is obviously what I am doing) and maybe read my book. But I have spag noodles (uncooked) on the floor a table full of stuff to sort and just alot of little things to wipe down. I so dont want to.

I have been pondering alot of things here alone with the dirt, it is very quiet in the house, I have overwhelming thoughts of self doubt and negative critisms of myself. When MLK tried to commit suicide in March, it majorly altered my perceptions. I had also felt we had a good, safe, happy place for our girls and that shook all that up. I know all the youre a good parent and it was blah blah blah. I just now that I will never be the same person as before. I know that I need to process that and when the girls are not here seems like a really good time to do that. I have had waves of emotion wash over well I have been cleaning, not sadness not anything that was depressing just alot of things to sort through. How I percieve things has changed, I questionn all my decisions, that is both good and bad. I wonder if I am doing things right, my confidence definately left. This has effected me in other ways, I do what I need to do. I sometimes feel afraid to set out and accomplish things, I make no great efforts, I dont live with the gusto I use to have, the wind is out of my sails. Maybe that is why I am struggling to get this house clean. I dont have the drive and the goal setting I did. I think I am afraid of pushing anyone even myself. I feel the status quota is safe, I want very much to feel safe that everything will be okay, and that is where I live. It is nothing gut wrenching I need safety thing it is just a need to have normal maybe. Part of my identity was being a good mom, and I know I am a good mom, but when that happens it definately sets you off to questioning your abilities. I want a clean house and a nice garden and a mowed lawn but I also want to just sit on my sofa and just think. It is like I perfer to sit in the seat at the production called life and I use to be one of the actor. So I sit and think and I should just get up and do, but I dont want to, so sometimes I just think.

Now that may not made a bunch of sense but I feel a little better now that I have written it, maybe I will work on the kitchen some more!

clean, clean, clean

Well yesterday was a clean for all, spent a huge amount of time on MLK room, got it finished and then worked on the living room. How does my house get this dirty, I took out three bags of trash just yesterday, doing towels this morning and then have an interpreting job. Need to stop by the firework tent on the way. I hope I can get alot more done to the house this evening. Feel a little discouraged and overwhelmed with the amount of orgainizing and cleaning I need to do. I just have not been good at housecleaning since March. I get the surface stuff done but have let alot slide. I quess one of the other aftereffects of the chaos we have endured as a family. Well better go. Blog more later.

a few days left

Well so far so good, the cabin in the woods was nice, we have had a good time, just chilling now we have dumped off some of our stuff and going to see relatives. Dave seems to be better the kids and I are well rested and all around just lazy. Hope to get a few more days of good rest and then back to the old grind.

All for now.

dentist and stuff

Got a tooth extracted as it was rotten all the way through, but it was so not good. They didnt numb me up I dont do well with local, it wears off really fast. I was in the chair for three hours and had two dentist working on me. It was bad bad bad. I still have what I would consider almost migrane headache on that side of my head, and it has been two days since it happened, if I am up and about a whole lot I start getting sick to my stomach. So needless to say not much is getting done and I need it done yesterday. Took Tylemol 3 for a day and a half now I am on ibuporfen (800 mg).

I have been in a foul mood, I think due to the pain, but I can't seem to get the girls to get things done, I can't get much done right now and they are unwilling and I cant keep harping at them as the whole side of my mouth hurts. Just a really bad cycle. MLK has been especially stubborn this week. Yesterday I told her no phone no computer no tv till everything is done due to the fact we want to leave on Sun afternoon. So I caught her on the phone four different times, I was so angry. Everytime I would lay down, or go to the church to help Dad she would do what she was told not to do. Hopefully this pain will go away and I can be a little more effective and a little less grumpy.

Today MLK takes the ACT test, hope she does okay, she has been in a mood the last few days, we will see how she does. MDK has been working on a quilt with Ruth and will finish it up the next time they are together.

Well better go!

stitches are out yeah!!!!!

The stitches are out, and I don't want to scratch my face off. Everything came back normal it was a very strange wart, that was growing downward into my face. Kinda an odd thing, did two interpreting jobs, will be doing a job all the month of July. This will be good money, I will be doing the prison and a college class, in other words I will be a busy women. However this will help out with getting bills paid off.

Today we will be doing alot of laundry and friends are coming over, MDK is working on sewing her quilt with Ruth today they may finish it, when it is done we will get a picture of it. I plan to work on getting the rest of the portfolios done today. Thursday is dentist day, yippee, NOT!

Well better get started more later.

ugh I hate it when it doesnt post right

Well I had this big beautiful poetic post and it is gone, it was my heart all spilled out and loads of info, but no it didnt happen, just like going to Aldis tonight and finding I had no checks in the checkbook, ugh!

I just got done watching the bucket list and it is coming up on 2 AM, I plan to go to bed soon, I am just still awake, I think it was the big bunch of Diet Pepsi too late for this old women. Well I will be more poetic later, but I best get off to bed!

I do declare. . .

MDK is watching Gone with the Wind, we are definately in summer mode, staying up late, waking up late and being a little lazy, it feels good to wind down a little. I have four interpreting jobs this week, starting today. Hope to get some odd and end jobs done, getting a biblographic page of stuff MLK used for school this year. I have to take off to the prison in about 10 minutes. Plan to swim tonight. Well will blog more later

just call me scarface

Got the thing that the were going to biospy off my face, they cut it out and biospy I have i think about 6-7 stitches around it, put on waterproof bandages and went swimming just kept my head out of the water. The girls paid for 2 hours. This morning I had a rough morning being a little light headed mostly I think something to do with the numb stuff that has finally worn off. MDK and I are watching a lot of Science videos Well better get off for right now.

this old body needs some maintenance

Well this old body is getting some much needed maintenance, went to the dentist, we all got our teeth cleaned, and all have cavities I am the first one to get the work done it will be about 300 dollars worth, my insurance will cover the 900 dollars, Dave has 250 worth and M and M have 250 between them. So I will do June (as mine are the worse says the dentist) then Dave then M and M. So by Sept. we all should be great. We then had to drop off camp forms and then we got haircuts, then I went to the doc's office got my leg lengthened and back in place, (bad gait since ankle) and then cut the thing out of my face (i look like I had a stroke), will have stitches removed next week, going swimming (family day activity) then home. Got alot of crap done today, quess I dont need a clone (tee hee, not really). Well better get off for now.

Patience

Patience is our new Bible study I will be teaching the quarter for our women's class. I can hear you all chuckling, if you know me well. It is a series called fruit of the spirit. What is it that I need to be patient with, well MLK healing is one big one on my list. She has had alot of anger lately. I think she has gotten to a stage where she realizes that all her wishing and longing will not change her situation, that this is something she will have to deal with . She is shying away from the hard work that it takes to get through all this and get better. She desires to be an adult and act like a child, typical stuff any teen goes through. However she has an added twist to all the troubles.

So how do I deal with all the turmoil, lots of prayer, constant discussion with Dave and sometimes just stepping out of the storm for a few hours or an evening. I see glimpses of healing now and again. What MLK is going through right now reminds me of the epic struggle in the Bible where God and Jacob wrestled all night, and Jacob just wouldn't quit untill God touched him on the hip and left him with a limp. She wants to trust God, but feels like she can't. She still has bitterness in her heart. Now from all of our perspectatives we think get over it already, you have no idea girl what life is going to hand you. But we must get behind her eyes and see life as she sees it to get why she feels the way she does. She also is very self asorbed right now (this is the part that drives me crazy), sometimes I have to tell her to get over herself.

MDK is doing well, you can tell she is going through alot of physical changes and she has days when you can tell the hormones are working overtime. However she is doing well with it all. She worked so hard back home with the ITBS, I was very impressed with her dillegence. She is still working on some Science hours. She will start sewing again. She is very exicitied about that!

Dave finished the weed eating last night and looked like the Incredible Hulk, he was green all over, it was kinda funny looking. The AC is not working right so will need to call to get it fixed. Tommorow we all go to the dentist and then I go to the doctor for them to do a puncture thing on my thing on my face. Need to see if the cells inside this odd thing that doesnt go away are abnormal or not.

Hope to go swimming this afternoon, if the girls finish their chores. Well better get around for church.