a country western song

Dave thinks this past week would make a good country song. My car broke down, my computer is firied, and my dog is dead. I tend to agree.

I finally slept

I am pretty raw this morning. I went to the doctor yesterday for my dietian, we also talked about me getting some counseling. The doctor said you have gone through alot, she said you have been the rock, when Dave was so ill, when MLK tried to kill herself, etc. you need someone to talk to and sort stuff out. She said Chris you have dealt with depression and have taken meds all your adult life but have never sought a counselor. So I will make an appt. she says she doesnt feel I have big issues just that I have alot of life crisises in the past few years.

Somedays I dont like being a pastors wife, I have zero close friends hero. Why is that, well by choice. I am a very jaded woman, I dont have people that I feel safe with, the only ones I really feel safe with are the other woman in the homeschool group. They are just moms there and so am I. In the church, I cant have someone I feel I can truely trust, when I do it always bites me in the butt.

Sometimes I hate that my blogs are so negative, but they are a great theraputic tool I use. If I get it down here it stop chasing around in my head. We didnt do any school work yesterday at all. None of us had slept and we all cried off and on all day yesterday.

We also lost a cat yesterday and cant find one of the others, the other two are in the basement, one of them got torn up. The dogs were on a rampage, I am just glad that they didnt get ahold of my girls. The neighbor put them down, and it just tore him up something awful, but he said they had crossed a line. I am glad we do not have to worry about them. He cant have kids so his dogs were his pals, so sad.

I keep seeing and smelling Maggie's death, I watched them just mutilate her, it was traumatic. I held her and she bled out all over my t shirt We found a piece of fur in the front yard yesterday also that was her. Louie the beagle has been so sad just trying to find her. He has been good to help heal the wound though.

Still thinking we will resign at the end of April effective the end of May. Dave talked with Bob, and we are still seriously struggling with it. We both really want to, but does God want us to. We have always struggled when God calls us to do different things. We have been in full time minstry for seventeen years and we are sooooooo burned out. I really want to be gone, so does Dave but does God? We just dont want to be disobedient one way or another. We are looking for places to rent however. We will wait and see, my heart want out of here.

Well better get around.

Maggie is dead

We are all just heartbroken, Maggie was attacked by neighborhood dogs ( the ones down the road usually always pinned up) in front of our house. Amazingly she was still alive when I got to her. She however had her spine broke and the vet put her down. It was gruesome and I have not slept but three hours and I am up.

I just dont know how much more sadness and frustration this family can take. Deacon's meeting was sour last night. It was a litmus test for both Dave and I, about whether we have gone as far as we can at this church. We both have a strong feeling that yes it is time, we can not take this congretation any further, however we do not feel a call to go elsewhere. Therefore we have alot of praying to do. We know however the chapter on this ministry is closing. We have been praying and sensing this for months, we have laid out the fleece and it keeps getting wet. It is hard, but we will be moving on or out for a time. I personally hope that we move out for a sabbatical. Seventeen years of minstry is a long time. I would love it if we could have a year or two of no ministry, doubt God lets that happen but the thoughts are still lingering.

Well back to sleeplessness.

I may have fried the laptop

I accidently got milk spilt on the laptop, and it wont come up right, Dave is trying to work on it. Luckily we have the business computer so that is good as we both need it for work. I am very upset that this happened but cant cry over spilt milk (literally).

The girls did okay, their team came in 9th place at the regional Bible quiz, so not too bad, for a team of newbies that is. I will be working alot this week, hope it lightens a little soon, so that other things around the house can get done. I dont mind working alot but other things do slide when that happens.

We are having a slow Sunday morning, maybe it is the weather not looking forward to getting out in the cold. The girls and I will be working on schoolwork today as I have seven hours of interpreting on Monday. I have MDK stuff written out for the week started on MLK lesson plans will finish them off this afternoon. Must see if I have a backup for the homeschool grades as they were on the laptop. It is very disheartening if I dont have a backup. I think I have a CD somewhere but that could be three months old. Oh well life does happen.

This Saturday will be ACT test for MLK and b-day part for MDK. So it should be interesting and I am working M-Th. So hopefully we will get everything done. Well better get socks and shoes on and get to church.

she hit a snag

MLK hit a snag, her and her exfriend are still at. Or maybe we should just say MLK is still stuck there. I personally am so tired of that drama. MLK needs to get over it, L. does not plan to be her friend unless MLK is her puppet and she needs to move on. MLK can be like a pit bull with things, she sinks her teeth in something and she wont let it go. She wants L. to confront her and tell her x, y, or z. I tell her that wont happen, L. wont say anything therefore she wont have blame for anything. So I picked her up from regional bible quiz practice, and she is bawling, on the way home she says I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Alarms sound in my head!!!!! I call her counselor emergency line, thinking great a trip to Smithville, but it has been averted she set her up an appt. tonight. MLK says I am not sucidial I just want to have the pain stop for awhile. I say only you can do that, you need to make that decision.

She had been doing really really well, this friend has got to be a thing of the past as the drama just puts her in a bad spot so fast. However, I can't crawl inside her head and make it happen. I have limitied contact, but I have also made sure that I dont make it the forbidden (because then she would really want it). Tuesday I saw the old MLK the one who smiled and laughed and enjoyed life, the one I want back. I just feel that L. is the last great hurdle for her. She will always have to take meds and proably see a counselor at different spots in her life, but I know that if she would let herself heal she could be a whole person again. I have seen who she could be.

MDK has had some insomina, and feels a little nausueted from that right now. Dave has a long and tedious week full of meetings and Redbox. I had a dream last night that Denise and I and Dave were in Centerville and they were singing and then Dave suddenly started to get younger, he was passed out but his body was changing. We were trying to get him to the hospital and his hair was getting lighter, his body was skinnier and all his surgery scars were gone. Now where in the heck do dreams like that come from?

Well better start my day.

good day

Had a really hard class to interpret really struggled with it, the guy wasn't making much sense, so I always judges things by the response of the audience, if they are engaged they are getting it, if they have blank stares, if they are asleep if they look lost then it is okay. I must remember when I am interpreting if his message is unclear then I cant really improve on that if it is way over everyone's head then so be it. It is just hard to let the chips fall where the may. Oh 90 percent of the class was in the blank stare huh falling asleep stage today.

Anyway after that ate with Dave and then went to Office Max to get a few things, went to Big Lots too, love to go there for cheap computer games. Dave has been ordering some cheap Atari stuff on Ebay, he has had so much fun tinkering with his Atari it is good for him to have something that distracts him. He has meetings galore this week.

MLK is doing so much better since the clean break with L. It is much much better she is more outgoing and less fretting. The boy issue is better too as they are now friends. MDK is prepping for her party.

HERE is my quote for today. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths that we take, but in the moments that take our breath away"

the blessing of menopause

Yes I said blessings, now mind you I am up at 3 AM, I went to bed at 9 last night and slept pretty good till about a half hour ago. I will say if I must be up I do enjoy a moment like this, distant thunder, no sounds in the house and the patter of rain. I have always loved the sounds and smells of a good spring rain. It is a little romantic, I dont know why it appeals to me that way. My soul has always been feed by watching a huge thundercloud roll across an open field to see the lightening between the clouds and the roll of thunder. The breeze that smells like rain and then to light a candle and listen to the rain.

I always have a dilema because I am very tempted to clean when I am up, but that has a tendency to wake up everyone else in the household, so I usually play on the computer or read for an hour or so and then I am tired and back to bed.

Today will be busy with interp. and enrichment classes. Well getting sleepy so off again to bed.

schooling, roast and potatoes and noodles, interp. and more schooling

Today has been a somewhat typical day for the past month and half, I start the day with the girls, get stuff like Math, Spelling and other subjects done, then I take off for my job. I sometimes put something in the crockpot, come home and finish up schooling. Tonight MDK and I are working on Science, MLK is working on some preschool projects that her cousins will get soon. Also some kool-aid playdough for the Griffin girls. She has a unit on child behavior and such in Home Ec. She will soon be done with that and is well on her way to finish Geography. She is being very diligent about her schoolwork and that is a great positive.

I am working hard on cultivating job skills for her, relating to her those attiudes and actions that will cause her to lose a job or retain a job. She may have to learn the hard way but I hope not, she will be getting a job after her liscence. When you live where were we live no use to get a job without her liscence, so driver's ed here we come. Signing her up for that in about a week, has a good friend taking it with her.

MDK are working on photosynthesis and DNA pairs, and the rules of life. We are working pretty hard to "catch up". It is a hard text and she takes her time on it, but I dont want to do it in July :) She is holding her own on it though. It is kinda like a sampler science book it covers a variety of different topics (thus General Science). Deciding if we want to do Earth Science next year or if we will do Biology. I am thinking Earth Science, as it is written a little lower level than Biology.

Plan to have beef and noodles today, Dave's favorite, well really all of us love it.

Trying to get my business card done, have to do it in Photoshop, now that is something I should take a college course on. That I swear is the most unfriendly user program known to man.

Well back to Science.

not a bad day

What beautiful weather we had today, opened up the windows and let the breeze blow, got all the laundry folded and put away, the house is picked up, alot alot of church work is done, and we set up the computer, got invoices in order, and watched the Shaggy Dog (orginial) and now Dave is playing the Atari. He has been collecting old games and having a blast with it. It is good to see him pursue something other than work, makes him a more balanced person.

The Shaggy Dog was such a cute movie. The girls just laughed and laughed, I have put a whole bunch of the old Disney on Netflix list. Hope to watch one more movie before bed but Dave is not sharing the TV very well right now. It is nice to be able to take a breath and relax because after my cold I felt like I ran like crazy to catch up. We have only four more weeks of classes left for enrichment and then we are done, if it is nice again tommorow I would love to have a picnic after church.

Well better go!

how did we slide into the abyss so fast?

Ugh, I got up this morning and wow this house needs some work, luckly we should be able to get it done today. MLK finished all her work yesterday, MDK has some Math and Science left today. Yesterday was a good day for homeschooling, we got alot accomplished, a will have proably my last big bunch of interpreting this next week and then she said it will proably be slacking a little. Which is good as the photo part will be going up.

I have set up about 5-6 families in this area that I will be photographing in hopes of learning and gaining knowledges with family photos. I have a somwhat basic business plan, (I am thinking about doing a formal business plan for myself). I am going to do a 1hr flat rate of 50 and 2 hour flat rate of 75. Now that maybe too much, but it seems to be a far rate around here. I may have to do a flat rate of 50 for 2 hours. However I need to build in cost and time I spend. I will spend about a total of 4 hours on the CD that I produce. I have the cost of advertising, my time, the CD, and other misc to fiqure in that.

Anyway back to my business plan, everything I make I want to go back into equipment for now. Then as I get more equipment, I would maybe like to purchase or rent a studio (this is after the girls graduate). I think that is a very scaled down version, build a reputation, buy equipment and then launch bigger after girls leave home. It may flop but I will definately have fun doing it.

Today's big plan is to do laundry and clean house, and finish setting up my office corner. Yeah I am so exicitied about the last part, not so much on the other parts :)

Payed off the taxes so that is off my plate! Now must save and do quarterly taxes. Next weekend is regional Bible quiz. Well better go!

just call me SUPER INTERPRETER

went to interpret today, last minute assignment, it was for a big wig at the organization I contract with it, and I nailed it! I was nervous but I did an awesome job, it is good when you have days like that where you just know you did a good job.

Right now MDK and I are working on two math lessons and doing homework, I got all my workings to get started on my photography business so I am really exicitied about that. Had a blessing of having to pay less taxes so had a little money to invest in the start-up.

Dropped off MLK photograph of MDK for a conference at the MWSU, it will not be a contest but a oppurtunity for her to display her work. We will possible go down to visit a college end of April at College of the Ozarks.

Well better get off as the Math and the MDK are making me a little crazy.

yesterday was not bad

MDK stayed home yesterday due to her chess class being canceled worked on schoolwork catch up , her puzzle and the house. MLK and I went to town, my interpreting assignment was canceled due to the professor not showing. We got a whole lot of running around down and then we went to enrichment classes, taught two classes, then MLK couneslor, gave Denise her wedding album we got done online and then came home. Long but good day, considering it was the one year anniversary of that awful day.

Have a nerve wrecking assignment today, will be team interpreting for the deaf director this morning, that is a little intimidating, she is nice, but if I really screw up, what then? Oh well. Yesterday went to lunch with my deaf friend, ran into an old deaf student, and then I meet up with a deaf grandma of some homeschool students at enrichment classes and I have a deaf student in one of my enrichment classes. Pretty amazing huh. I was a little signed out by the end of the day.

Loving the weather, hope it stays nice, ready to take pics outside again, lining up families and trying to get a start on a new business. Well must get in the showers!

getting back on track and a year ago

Yesterday, MDK got back in the saddle on her homework. She was sick then I was sick and she was off track. We looked at her overall end of the year and what she will need to finish. She is most behind in Science, but not bad and she will proably finish with Math first. This is the time of year we start dropping subjects as we start finishing books. Dave says most schools never finish a book, I said I know but dont care. MLK is sitting pretty she is already dropping subjects, she is done with Civics, and very close on two others. I am going to keep a few subjects rolling through the summer spordatically, for MDK it will be her spelling program, used the normal method and I never saw it translate into her writing, used this new book that is all about patterns and building on patterns and wow it is very much translating into her writing. When she wrote before every third word was spelled wrong, but now I read a long paragraph yesterday and only found two errors, both I call dyslexia errors as she flips two letters on words she knows. MLK will be doing her American History through Lit. over the summer, she loves to read so it wont be very taxing.

MDK is going to be running around alot this summer, possibly choir tour, camp helper, going to camp herself. MLK will have driver's ed. She almost hit a telephone pole and got a little skiddish from there. Here new glasses should be done by the end of the week.

I am still coughing some but the drainage is so much better, and I am not as worn out. Dave really unplugged last night, which was good, he got his old Atari out and hooked it up and had a blast, him and the girls thought it was too cool.

I have loved the weather!! Bring me some more. Trying to get up and rolling on my photography business. All outdoor shots for now. Someday I will have the ability to be inside but not for now. Need to talk to a small business to see what sort of paperwork and stuff I should be doing. Well better go for now.

sweating and breathing

Well today I can breathe, but I get up and move around much I sweat buckets, not sure what is up with that. I have swept and bisseled and I am drenched in sweat. I am not a good sick person, I am whiny and belligerent. I make a better nurse than a patient.

Found out most of my jobs will be finishing in April so I may not be as busy, but we will wait and see when I have said that before then something else always crops up. Today we pay our taxes so that will be out of our hair. Got a break and we owe 1,000 less than before, so that is good. Got socked a 59 dollar penalty (I didnt know that if you dont pay quarterly you end up with a penalty). So that monkey will be off our back.

Going to get two really nice alarm clocks today and the girls will have an incentive program to get themselves up and around by a certain time. Well better get off and get around myself.

the sickness that never ends it just goes on and on my friend

Well everyone but Dave has been sick on this week that I thought we would conquer alot of stuff since I didn't have any interpreting jobs, but no sat on the couch for three days trying really hard to breathe, I feel better today, but totally worn out physically. However the house has stayed relatively decent, the basement needs some help but all in all not bad.

We had the Lainey's missionaries getting ready to go to Paupa New Guiena. I think that MLK may have that stomach bacteria again, as she is not at all feverish, she just cant keep anything to stay down. It is fine taste good then 20 minutes later she is back up.

Working hard on getting my sign language homework, and getting things in order to start a photography business. Well more later

sick, thinking and a dreaded anniversary

Well I have been sick, I have been taking a cocktail of meds (doctor says), Zirmax, Bendryl, Musinex, and Iborfien. Been running slight fevers off and on for three days. MDK and I have slept in internvals yesterday and today, she is taking predizone for the cough (doctor says irritablity of the lining of the lungs). So we are all drugged and grumpy with each other.

I have done bills and have realized how far we have come with our bills, also a huge and I mean a huge tax libilty that we will be paying this week. We have a short ways to go, but have a big bunch of it licked.

MLK is at Calvary Bible college days, she called complaining of a stomach ache (proably anxiety) this morningI said I couldnt come get her due to the meds I am on (which I should not drive, as I am flying much higher than a kite)and I was at the doctor's office with MDK. I think she gets anxious in new surroundings, but it is something she needs to work through. No call as of tonight.

A dreaded anniversary, is this coming Tuesday, the one year date from the horrible day last year, it will be a busy one, with her counselor appt at the end of the day. It was just how her counseling appts fell. I am overwhelming calm about it right now, had a little bit of a breakdown about it last week. Praying alot that this doesnt set any of us back esp. not her.

Well off to bed, and try to breathe and sleep.

snot face and puke girl

Well 2 out of 4 of us are sick, again. I cant hardly breath for all the snot, and MDK puked off and on all day yesterday. It was puzzle, puke, sleep for her. MLK was a wonderful child yesterday, very mature and so pleasant, she takes off for Calvary Bible college days today, with her friend S. She has had a turn around (I hope) acting mature and I am loving it. I ran a fever yesterday and was sitting on the couch feeling awful and she said Mom you need to go to bed, and was the greatest nurse to me yesterday, it was such a blessing. MDK has put together almost a 750 piece puzzle, I could work on that size for months and she has done it in about two days while she has been sick, it is amazing. She has always been good at puzzles. She has really been enjoying her chess club, and mostly having draws with her opponent. MLK is learning the cha cha and enjoying that.

Dave did a huge chunk of his route yesterday and is hoping to finish today or tommorow early. Right now I am directing a checklist for MLK suitcase, did you pack, x, y and z?? The house has maintained well this week, as I am home, next week back to interpreting. One of our guys at church was giving me a hard time since I don't work full time anymore. It was annoying, my rate of pay (31 dollars an hour and mileage) makes it so I really dont need to work that much to supplement Dave's income. I enjoy the freedom it brings, and me being home more has brought some balance back to our lives. Someone has to steer the ship called life.

Getting ready to jump into the fray of starting a photograph business. Exicitied about this. Well better get off and get Dave up.

another day in the life of a homeschool family

Well thought I would give you a snapshot of our day today, just for a feel.
Got up at 7:30 with much groaning and complaining, MLK got up took her dog out, got something to eat and started in on her schoolwork right away, she had worked on some of it last night, so she didnt feel like she had a mountain to climb today, finishing off pages in her civic book she overlooked, with that she is officially done with civics , little party dance pursues.
MDK grouchingly get the IEW video out to start that, curled up under a blanket, she grumps, I dont feel good, fights with me, we start then we go forward, learning about collecting resources for reports, gets out and makes a chart on the three resources she has for George Washington, narrowing down her paragraphs, starts to make outlines, Dave says stop fighting with her, if she is a terd, let her stay home on Sat. from youth activity and do it with me. She straigtens up, we finish the video segament, and she is assigned to finish outline on her own. She and I move onto Math, she is finished her 83rd lesson in Algebra one, we both work on the problem, she gets it right I get it wrong, she laughs. Then we move to the next problems, very befuddled, Mom looks at the answer, oh yeah now I remember, work through the problem, get that one right, next one, Mom is unsure of step, MDK and Mom argue over step, MLK steps in and says both of you are wrong this is the simple error you are making, okay MLK is right, finish Math up. MDK moves onto typing. Mavis Beacon, doing the Shift for capitals, MDK usually does this on her own but Mom watches on from time to time, she is doing well needs to just improve speed. Spelling is already done for the day(had worked ahead), now Mom focuses on MLK while MDK takes bath and does some chores. MLK and Mom get online for ACT practice, she reviews Science test taking skills, takes the practice test for Science, gets a 22 much better than a 12 and more reflective of her knowledge, (I got an overall of 21 when I took the whole test years ago), save that then moves on to eating lunch. Checks in with MLK progress for all school subject (she is very self sufficent with daily mointering), says she only has Midsummer Night Dream and the book about Roanoke to read. Mom is well pleased, double check assignments, reminds of long term project, MLK checks on laundry. Okay girls need to finish up chores, so we can get to enrichment classes (no choir today, choir director kid has surgery), both have social dance today, and MDK has chess. Going to the library get your books around, dont forget to check out the book about the colonials MLK. Yeah yeah mom, got it. Okay any other projects we need to get stuff for, oh yeah lets see if they have a video of Midsummer Night Dream or something else Shakspeare, okay? Dog is finally asleep. Okay now eating ramean noodles for lunch. Everyone full okay, Mom takes shower, okay lets get loaded off to classes, Mom checks to make sure she has camera. Vroom off she goes.

Pac man fever driving me crazy

We decided that we need to play more as a family, so after MLK eye appt. the family purchased a ataria acarde game, it has a whole bunch of old games all in this simple thing for 20 dollars. It is halirous, we are sitting around playing dig dug, pacman, pole position, and galxia, it is halirous. The girls were so impressed with my Pac man skills, outwitting the ghosts and getting to the next level, only to be outdone with my driving skills on Pole Position. So anyway talked to my sis and she says I need to blog about MLK teenpact.

She had a great time, and learned lots had a little bit of a rough time, got homeschool towards the end but made it all the way through. She enjoyed it alot, learned all sorts of stuff, meet her representative, learned the processes of goverment, got to stand on the floor of the senate when it was in session (way cool she said), meet lobbiest, elected people and got to tell people she would be old enough to vote in mid-term elections. She meet a bunch of new people and her and Sharon had a good time hanging out. Tommorow is enrichment classes but their choir director will not have class due to her kid's surgery. I am now teaching a photo class and sign language class.

Ordered MLK some new glasses today, now everyone has a new pair of glasses (took a year) but all the teeth and eyes are done. Just in time to start on the teeth again. MDK is the only one with reading glasses the rest of us need them, me least of all after MDK.

Well we are going to watch a movie and then try to get some good sleep.

I was mad all day yesterday

I was in a foul mood yesterday, about twice a year, I have a rebel kick, where I get tired of the things all Moms endure, the attidue, the half done jobs, the being taken for granted. You know and then I just get very angry and clam up and dont talk to anyone. I usually get over it in a day or two. I just get mighty frustrated and then I have my two day pout and everything is again right with the world.

MDK did homework over the weekend and went with a friend to spend the night, since her friend doesnt have school today, then MLK has gotten sick, was running a slight fever last night. She has an eye appointment today.

Plans today are to help Dave and then go to the eye doctor with MLK and clean the house. I might make bread if I feel really energetic. I have no terp jobs this week.

Took pics this week will try to get some developed soon. They are of the family.

Ta ta for now.

MDK is a terd

MDK is being a stinker, she is making me crazy. She wants to go spend the night with a friend Sunday night as the kids at public school have no school Monday. She is upset that I will not let her go unless she has her schoolwork done early before she leaves. She is crying the injustice of it. She wants to try to get it all done after church tommorow. She will proably not have enough time to do so, but she wants to procastinate and she is crying foul. Ugh! We will see if she can pull it out or if I will be the biggest meaner ever.

Last Bible quiz (other than regional) today the girls did okay at their quizzes. MLK had a great time and learned lots at Teenpact. As you can see we got some pictures done. Will try to send to get prints of the family.

Gotta write up MLK lessons plans for the week.

okay I had to revamp too

My sister revamped her blog, so I did too, I know I am a copycat, but I started blogging first and she followed me on doing that. I really enjoying sitting down about once a day and just blogging about my life, I have had 500 entries so far. My sis made two booklets out of them for me and I am hoping to have that continue as it will be something my kids and grandkids can look back on and know me, well most of what I want my family to know about me.

Today has been a little more relaxing, I had a no show at my jobs and then I went to help Dave for a while and see him, now I am home watched a movie (not that great) and going to get started on my room and the bathroom for today.

MDK has been sick (mostly congested) so I made a deal no plodding through homework only cleaning house till she gets to feeling better, she has one of those colds that you not completely under, you just feel like crap, your head feels like it wants to explode, you know the nasty crude. Have not heard from MLK yet, so hopefully she is doing okay. Will see her on Friday. Hope this whole week will be a good starting point for her to make plans for her future.

Tommorow is interpreting again, then a skills study group in the afternoon, no jobs next week they all got canceled due to spring break and also a family out of town. So anyway that is a blessing get caught up on the small stuff. Last Bible quiz this week and then regionals at the end of the month. Looking into driver's ed for MLK as I want her to drive, but am unwilling and afraid to teach her myself. I am in hopes that this will get her over the hump, she is what I call NOT a natural driver, MDK I suspect will be just the opposite, anyway not planning to teach either as I gave birth and therefore disqualifies me from teaching them to drive (at least in my mind). Intenionally got some extra sun today to help with my mood, I have been trending down into the depths of despair, so extra sleep (I slept 12 hours yesterday)(yes 12) and some sunshine today, and I feel alot better. More of that is a whole lot better than me having to get my meds up. Watch a interest thing yesterday it was a woman who wrote Prozac Diary, the poetry in it so fits how you feel when you deal with this day in and day out, year in and year out. I do so very well with a low dosage every day all year. Get me off my meds and I am in a bad place. I dont think clearly, I am all over the map, I have anxiety attacks, not good. I know that people dont like to talk about it, but I feel it is a good thing to acknowledge it, so those dealing with it and dont know what it is, then know that they arent losing it and slowly going insane.

Well I am just kinda talking off the top of my head so I will get off and get some more cleaning done.
Ta ta for now.

got a call

Well yesterday I got removed from interpreting at the prison, mostly because the inmate pissed me off and I lost my professional edge, oh well, Dave thinks it is for the best. I quess the thing I am most mad at is myself, I should have let it go. He was just being a real a__. So I am at the preschool on Wednesday, which works for me. Hopefully I dont catch the newest funk there. Today I have a college class and then off to enrichment classes.

Have not heard from MLK yet, hopefully everything is going well. Felt way off yesterday, I am hoping I can avoid getting my meds going up, I however know when I am not doing well, and I am not doing well, having trouble keeping things straight, urges to sleep alot and eat alot, good signs that I am not doing so well. Usually extra sun and sleep can get me ahead of it, but that would mean a break in the weather.

I start teaching my enrichment classes today need to find my pictures this morning. Don't know where I put them. Oh well. Best get around and get moving. Bye for now!

had a nice time this weekend

Had a good time with Mom and MLK this weekend, it was a nice cermony at Tan Tara and I was so proud of her. It was also nice to just visit with Mom.

My house makes me crazy, I cant seem to stay ahead of it ever. I just not sure what to do with it. Dave says the girls have to learn to do their chores correctly and that is a process. Well sometime that "process" puts me over the edge. They have perfected the spit and a promise style (mostly MLK does this) (MDK is a far better cleaner). So it looks good on the surface so I decide to move on to something else but instead later when I go in and start digging around, the horror. The bathroom looks good lets say from the doorway, but then I go in and find dirty clothes underneath and behind the toliet paper and clean towels. I find everything stashed underneath the sink, and the best the dirt was swept under the rug or behind to door. Now how much more time would it have taken, so then I drag their butts in there, and tell them to redo. Then it is the age old arguement that you never satisfied you always find something wrong. A mom never wins. Then I go into hyperdrive nagging mother, and then life is miserable. I will punish them for their lack of taking care of things and then they improve for a while then gradually we go back down hill but not quite as bad as before, so they insist on this cycle, I quess I will continue, do half job, redo, still do half job, punishment, full job done for a few weeks, half job again redo, half job again, punishment. What a merry go round, maybe however with time the slide back to half job will not be as severe and someday (when they get their own place) it will be good.

Louie is lonely today for MLK she is gone to Teen Pact, hope she enjoys it and learns lots. They should be on the road down now. Well better go do some chores.